A real girl

Four year old Tove, while watching Noam's hair flowing in the bath:

"Now she looks like a REAL girl"

I guess I was never a real girl, as a kid, considering my parents always kept my hair crew cut.

It's just like the answers you often get when asking kids what the difference is between men and women. They often reply:

"Men drive cars and women clean the house"

It's sad how early our kids are brainwashed in to believing in all these kinds of differences between men/boys and women/girls.

Nazism not offensive, but a boy named Maria sure is

A blog that I'm reading regularly commented on an article, in one of the Swedish newspapers, about that the rules and regulations on what you are and aren't allowed to name your child is changing. They are becoming a bit less restrictive.

This is good, I think, as you should be allowed to name your child most things, as long as it's not offensive.

But the article still amazed me though. Because what is becoming less restrictive and what is not becoming less restrictive is a bit confusing to me.

You are still not allowed to name a boy a traditional girls name, like Maria. "That could be misleading".

But, these days you ARE allowed to name your child "Nordfront" (The North Front" as most people these days are not connecting that with Nazism, and therefor it is no longer considered offensive. "Also, if you want your child to be connected with Nazism, you have the right to".

Excuse me?! Nazism is apparently okay, but naming your child something that doesn't fit with the gender norms is not!?

Pink little boys

Now it's happened twice - me calling a little boy "she" just because of him wearing pink. Not that it's a big deal, I mean, people say "he" to Noam all the time, and I don't bother correcting them. Who cares?

But the fact that the only reason I assumed that those little boys were little girls was the way they were dressed, makes me a bit embarrassed, annoyed, but also happy.

Embarrassed, because as often as I preach about the importance of killing gender roles and norms, I don't want to make mistakes like that.

Annoyed, because my mistake is not unusual, and it may seem like a minor thing, what color we chose to dress our children in, but it's a minor thing that is a part of a much bigger thing. That bigger thing is how differently boys and girls are raised and treated. That is what annoys me.

Finally I'm happy. Happy, as the fact that I've made the mistake twice, actually means that there is at least two couple of parents out there that choses to ignore that most people think girls should be dressed in pink and boys in blue.

Maybe in a few years time there will be many, many more parents like that, than there is today.

Pissed at "Canada's Next Top Mpdel"

Ended up watching "Canada's Next Top Model" while I was stuck in the sofa breast feeding the other day. What I saw pissed me off!

They were doing a shoot for a mobile phone, and somehow they thought that wearing solely sexy lingerie under an open coat, with the mobile phone in one hand and a dog on a leech in the other hand, outdoors of course, was a good advertisement picture.

In Sweden, sexist advertisement, that has nothing to do with the product being advertised, is not allowed. When advertisement like that happens anyway (because it does unfortunately), anyone can report it, and the company behind the advertisement can be forced to take it down, and, as I've written before, it's also being discusses if companies should also be fined for this.

I guess this is not the case in Canada. What the hell does a half naked woman has to do with mobile phones?!!

Privatizing in areas that should never be privatized

The current government in Sweden seems eager to privatize everything. Now the turn has come to my work area. I work at a so called group home for people with Down Syndrome.

Considering that we are over budget basically every year I get a bit scared thinking of how a private company is supposed to make money by running my work place.

The rent will not change, so, will they move us? That is of course not an option. You don't just move peoples homes.

The costs for materials like office supplies and other stuff is already pretty much as low as it can be. So cutting down there is not a possibility either.

Mine and my colleagues salary could of course be cut. But I'm sure you can understand how I feel about that. Considering I do not work in a well paid area it would be a bad idea to cut salaries any further. That only results in high staff turn overs.

So I'm afraid that they will cut in the amount of staff. The only way this could be possible would be by totally changing the way we work. Which would collide with the rights of the people we are working for. Scary.

Do not support the bus strike

I pay 415 SEK every month to Kommunal, a union that is at the moment having a bus strike in Stockholm and other parts of Sweden. I do not support it!

Okay, certain demands I think are justifiable. And if the strike was only about those I would probably support it. But the strike is also about the bus drivers' pay check. And the fact is that bus drivers make more money than nurses. Nurses that have to spend three years in University, while you can become a bus driver in a heart beat.

And they also make more money than me. But Kommunal is not having a strike on my account. Cant help thinking that it's probably because I work in a female dominated work area, while bus drivers most often are men.

What's the big deal?

Mum and Grandmother in a phone conversation:

Grandmother: I don't know if I should buy a present for Noam now, for when they are coming up North this weekend, or if i should wait until the baptism.

Mum: But didn't Sandra tell you that they are not planning on baptizing Noam?

Grandmother: Yes, she did... But I really want her to be baptized.

So obviously my grandmother thinks that if she just wants it bad enough, it will happen. Could be true considering I felt really guilty when my mum told me the rest of the conversation:

Mum: But would Granddad and You really go to Stockholm just for a baptism?

Grandmother: Of course! We do not have much to look forward to these days you know...

So now I'm considering alternatives to a baptism, like a sort of "welcome-to-the-world-and-this-is-your-name-party". Just not sure if that will satisfy my Grandmother. Or the rest of the family.

My Grandmother is not the only one being disappointed about Noam not being baptized. Conversation with Dad on the fact that Noam is not being baptized:

Dad: Why do you always have to do things differently?

Me: But why do you care, you're the biggest atheist that I know.

Dad: Exactly, and I still had both you and your sister baptized, didn't I?

I don't get it. What's the big deal? But feel free to leave comments on how I'm supposed to ease my feeling of guilt for not letting my grandmother have something to look forward to without letting a priest dipping my daughters head in water.

A continuation on the previous post - sort of

As I've written before, I do not really fit in my old clothes. The ones I had before pregnancy are too small. And my pregnancy clothing is too big.

Therefore, at the moment, I'm trying to get around with the few things that do fit, until I know what my knew size is going to be. Those few things that do fit are skirts.

That lead to another problem. Considering I had not waxed my legs in about two months they started itching when wearing tights. And as it is not summer, tights is a necessity when wearing skirt.

So I needed to wax, which I did two days ago.

The point that I want to get to here is that I felt like people were judging me for waxing my legs and be thinking that I should be caring solely for my daughter and not care about hairy legs,

Probably no one was judging me. But the point is that I am just as shaped by the structures and norms as anyone else, which made me feel a bit guilty when I was lying there in the beauty salon, while my husband was walking around the block with Noam.

And probably many people would raise their eyebrows, After all, my sister told me today that some people were judging a woman for asking for a hair brush after giving birth. Compared to that I guess my wax is a huge sin.

It is truly amazing how easily mothers are judged, and how easily fathers get away with most things.

My husband is out partying tonight. No one questions that. I wonder if it would be the same is I wanted to go out partying five weeks after my daughters birth.

I doubt it.

The different roles of the mother and the father

Thinking a lot about the role that society has created for the mother. And the role created for the father.

I love spending time with my daughter. From a selfish point of view I'm almost glad that my husband does not take as much responsibility as I do.

From an intellectual point of view I feel different though. When I think about how much greater society would be (in so many different ways) if we had reached the point were there was equality when it comes to parenthood, I feel different.

The first week or two I was very amazed by biology and how this whole thing of birth and babies work. But I am not a biologist. And now, a few weeks later, I'm starting to see the structures, the social instead of the biological, also in my own situation as a parent.

I decided to talk to my husband about it. This especially after I had read different studies about how feeding is just one of so many different needs that the baby has, just one of so may different things that the baby needs from it's parents.

My husband could be the one doing housework. He could change diapers. He could be carrying Noam a lot more. He could be lifting her up to help her burp if she seems uncomfortable. He could be taking her for a walk in the pram. He could be singing to her. He could be talking to her. And he does all those things. But I do them a lot more.

When I told him this, he still got stuck on the feeding part. And then he starting rabbling on about the fact that it's not really in his nature to sit and talk to a baby, that it's more his thing to play with her.

Funny. Like if it would be my thing. The difference is that I make it my thing, because I know that my daughter needs it.

It all has to do with the fact that a woman is supposed to be the caring and the soft one. A man on the other hand is supposed to be the funny one, the cool one.

And it all has to do with that motherhood is supposed to be this thing that you go in to and totally sacrifice yourself, and no longer care about anything else than the child. There is nothing like that when it comes to the way people look at fatherhood.

A mother caring for her child is average. A father caring is wonderful.

This all has to do with the patriarchal society that we live in. It's all one part of the big puzzle, and that is the reason why change would benefit women.

But change would also be good for men. Not only because of the fact that an equal society is a better society for all parties, but also because men are actually losing out.

It amazes me that men can't see that. That they do not understand that by not fully taking part, they are missing out on something so wonderful that it can't be described with words.

I do not have a Bugaboo

Spend most of the day in the centre of town yesterday. A few things hit me.

1. There are prams everywhere!

2. Everybody has the same brand of pram!

Fascinated by the fact that every second person with a pram, that I met, had this brand of pram in particular, I went online when I got home, to find out what so special about this pram. The brand is called Bugaboo.

Couldn't really figure it out, more than the fact that it was 5000 SEK more expensive than my second hand pram of a brand that not many people have heard of.

Does me, not having a Bugaboo, make me a worse mum than the ones that has got one? I seriously doubt it.

If people buy this Bugaboo pram because it, even though it is much more expensive than my pram, is a good pram that is cheaper than many other prams, than fine. But I am suspecting that that is not the reason.

The main reason is probably trends and commercialism, as I am sure you agree.

Sad.

The State - a discriminating employer

Men, employed by the State, makes 17 508 SEK more than women in the same position, every year. There are twice as many men compared to women, being "the boss". And men, employed by the state, have safer terms of employment, in comparison with women employed by the State. All this according to the Swedish newspaper DN today.

Starting to feel a bit embarrassed, and pretty angry, as I, myself, is employed by.... the State.

Make more women in the board rooms mandatory

The Swedish newspaper DN is today writing about the fact that the percentage of women in the board rooms is still low. Only 18 percent of the board members in Swedish companies are women. It looks like we've come to "a stand still" as the percentage was the same last year.

Members of the governments opposition is now calling for the State to make it mandatory that there should be more female board members.

I totally agree.

People use excuses like:

Making it mandatory is bad, as the person most suitable for the job should get the job.

I say:

Sure, and it is just as easy finding a woman suitable for the job, as a man suitable for the job, but the nasty structures in society, and in the board rooms, makes sure that the people (most of the time men) that are looking for a candidate, almost always manages to make sure that the most suitable person is a man.

People also say:

Making it mandatory is not the way to go and no woman would want the job as a result of it being mandatory.

I say:

Women would not get the job as a result of it being mandatory. A woman would get the job as a result of being the best candidate. The only difference would be that the person looking for a candidate would not be allowed to discriminate against women, and would therefor have to look further that amongst his 'brothers'.

I also say:

It might not be the best way to go, but it's the way we seem to be forced to go as structures seem very difficult to change. Especially structures that has to do with the patriarchate. By making things mandatory it might also push the structures to change, and when the structures has changed we will no longer need for things to be mandatory.

Until then, dear government, please, start taking discrimination against women seriously and force companies and employers to stop this obvious form of discrimination.

All abortions forbidden in Nicaragua

Watched a documentary yesterday, made by Channel Four in the UK, about abortion, or rather the law against abortion, in Nicaragua.

All abortions are forbidden in Nicaragua. Not even when the mothers life is in danger or when the pregnancy is a result from a rape, is abortion allowed.

The force behind the law is, according to the documentary, the Catholic Church. When the reporter asked one of the front figures in the Catholic Church in Nicaragua about how they can justify women dying because of the law against abortion, his answer was in line with:

"Women do not need to die. Claiming that women are dying is just something being used by the pro abortion side. Medicine and technology is so advanced today that no women should be dying from pregnancy."

Easy for him to say. He is not the one dying in labour or while carrying a child. And he is not the one getting very ill or dying from being forced to illegal abortion.

According to the documentary, many of the unwanted pregnancies is a result of the so called macho culture and the fact that men refuses to use a condom. And women are the ones being hurt. Left with a pregnancy even though it could danger their lives, even though they can not afford having a child.

The documentary really saddened me. And disgusted me.

Politeness and funny bus drivers - a rarity in Sweden

This morning, when I had breakfast with a friend (who is also pregnant), we mentioned the fact that even though we're heavy as busses, no one offers us a seat on the tube.

My conclusion is that it must be the Swedish mentality. Us Swedes are just not very polite.

Example 1: If I hold the door for someone, there is always someone else charging through before the person I was holding the door for.

Example 2: Swedes rarely say "sorry" when they bump in to you.

We're not nasty people. We're just not very polite when it comes to those kind of things.

But today, when I took the tube after seeing my friend, someone actually offered me a seat. And even though I said "no thank you, I'm getting off two stops from now", it still made me very happy.

Just like it made me happy when I took the bus two days ago and the bus driver joked with every passenger that got on the bus. Because that is also a rare thing in this country.

"Bitterfittan" about equality

Reading the book "Bitterfittan" at the moment. Not sure how to properly translate the title in to English, so I will not bother. I will just say that the word "bitter" is exactly the same thing in English - "bitter". "Fitta" means "pussy".

Many great points are made in that book. Nothing new, but well worth mentioning, over and over again, is:

How are we supposed to get to an equal society, when we can't even live equally with the ones that we love?

In todays Swedish society, most women do double work. They do paid work and then they go home and do the unpaid house work. This results in many women being tired, stressed, overworked, depressed. If we lived equally, and men took as much responsibility for the children and the housework, then women wouldn't be all that.

Gudrun Schyman at BBC

Guess if I was surprised this morning, when Gudryn Schyman showed up on BBC.

All Swedes knows who good old Gudrun is. But for those of you that are not Swedes: She's the front person of Feministiskt Initiativ (a feministic political party in Sweden's previous election). She's also the former leader of Vänsterpartiet (a left wing political party).

Do not ask me what the news were about, because it made no sense. The reporter was talking about that Sweden is one of the most gender equal societies in the world, but that many feel that there is still a long way to go. Then there was Gudrun talking a bit about the patriarchal structures, saying that they exists everywhere, all over the world. After that some Swedes on the streets were asked wether or not they would ever vote for a feminist party. And that's it.

I would have understood this being shown during the election in 2006. But I have no clue why it was shown now.

Anyway, I guess Feministiskt Initiativ could do with some good media for once, as most of the media that they got here in Sweden, during the election in 2006, was crap. Still upsets me how they were ignored, misunderstood, and often made a joke about. One of the big newspapers here in Sweden made paper dolls looking like the women in the party. Accessories for the dolls were things like breasts and fish smelling arm pits. Honestly, what is that?!

So I was happy seeing Gudrun on BBC news this morning. Even if it wasn't really news.

Again: What's wrong with people?

Yesterday, when I was sitting, in the tube station, waiting for the tube, a couple came up to where I was sitting. They were both smoking, even though smoking is not allowed in tube stations in Sweden, as in many other countries.

The girl/woman asked me and the person sitting next to me, if we could move a bit, so that she could sit down.

"Yes sure, if you can please put that cigarette out first, I said to her very nicely.

She looked at me and asked "Why?".

I didn't believe that she asked that. Of course I understand that she was trying to provoke me, but still. What's wrong with people? Why not just say, "sure, no problem", if someone asks you something like that in a polite way.

"Because first of all it's not allowed to smoke in here", I replied. "Second, cigarette smoke makes me feel sick, and third I'm pregnant and do not want to inhale cigarette smoke".

She just turned her back to me and repeated to her boyfriend, with a silly voice, what I had said.

Just then lots of seats got available behind me, so they sat down, still poisoning my air with smoke. I had to get up and move. They didn't care at all.

I know kids can be stupid. I remember myself smoking in the tube when I was around 20. Something I feel embarrassed by today. But even at that age, it only happened when I had been out partying, and was on my way home, late at night, when there were practically no people in the tube. Yesterdays event happened in rush hour. And on top of that this couple was not 20. They must have been at least 25.

The fact is that someone smoking next to me, once in a while, probably doesn't do Noam any harm. But it's a good excuse to use at the moment, as cigarette smoke makes ME feel sick. The fact is also that it didn't hurt me to get up and move. But the whole situations really annoyed me, which is why I had to write it down. To then be able to let it go.

Homosexuals and puppies

A lesbian couple was not allowed to buy a puppy. Just because they were homosexual.

The newspaper SvD writes about it. Read the article in Swedish: http://www.svd.se/nyheter/inrikes/artikel_860309.svd

When the kennel owner found out that the woman was lesbian, she said that she didn't trust homosexuals and that she had heard that transvestites were linked to pornography with animals.

People never stop to amaze!

Anyway, the lesbian couple won the lawsuit about discrimination. Good for them.

Integration problems in Sweden can not be solved by threats

On the morning news I watched Tobias Billström (Sweden's Minister of Immigration) defending the governments new suggestion about demanding that refugees in Sweden has a job and an apartment before they are allowed to bring family over.

Critic from the opposition was of course that it will not be easier to find a job or an apartment just because you are threatened by the fact that you will not be allowed to reunite with you're family if you don't.

Also, a suggestion like this puts the responsibility on individuals instead of recognizing the problems Sweden has with discrimination against immigrants on the job market.

Another critic was that the governments real reason for this suggestion is that they want to decrease the amount of immigrants.

Tobias Billström denied this, but in the next sentence he says that the reunion of family should not necessarily have to happen in Sweden. It could just as well happen in e.g. Syria.

What???

No, Tobias Billström, I doubt that this suggestion is the answer to the integration problems in Sweden.

Few smokers in Sweden

According to WHO Sweden is the country in the World with the fewest smokers (16 %).

Go Sweden!