What's the big deal?

Mum and Grandmother in a phone conversation:

Grandmother: I don't know if I should buy a present for Noam now, for when they are coming up North this weekend, or if i should wait until the baptism.

Mum: But didn't Sandra tell you that they are not planning on baptizing Noam?

Grandmother: Yes, she did... But I really want her to be baptized.

So obviously my grandmother thinks that if she just wants it bad enough, it will happen. Could be true considering I felt really guilty when my mum told me the rest of the conversation:

Mum: But would Granddad and You really go to Stockholm just for a baptism?

Grandmother: Of course! We do not have much to look forward to these days you know...

So now I'm considering alternatives to a baptism, like a sort of "welcome-to-the-world-and-this-is-your-name-party". Just not sure if that will satisfy my Grandmother. Or the rest of the family.

My Grandmother is not the only one being disappointed about Noam not being baptized. Conversation with Dad on the fact that Noam is not being baptized:

Dad: Why do you always have to do things differently?

Me: But why do you care, you're the biggest atheist that I know.

Dad: Exactly, and I still had both you and your sister baptized, didn't I?

I don't get it. What's the big deal? But feel free to leave comments on how I'm supposed to ease my feeling of guilt for not letting my grandmother have something to look forward to without letting a priest dipping my daughters head in water.

Noam the giant

Went to the first so called "mothers group" yesterday. We were 10 mothers with babies. The babies were between 6 and 10 weeks old.

Noam was definitely the fattest. Had to ask the peaditricain if a baby can get TOO fat. She calmed me down by saying that babies can't get too fat on breast milk and that it's good that Noam is putting on a lot of weight.

Still I'm not totally convinced, considering she now fits in a dress that my father bought in Thailand and that is supposed to be the size for a 6-9 months old baby. Ok, I realize that Thai people are a bit smaller than us giants in Sweden. And I also realize that the size of the dress is a bit wrong, because it must be too small even for a 6-9 months old from Thailand. But still...

The horror of plastic and packaging

Watched a horrible thing on BBC World News the other day. It was about all the huge amounts of rubbish that end up in our oceans, and later on a beach somewhere.

And it doesn't just end up there. It ends up in the stomach of albatross chicks, as albatrosses confuses plastic, like cigarette lighters e.g. with squid and feeds their chicks with it. Which of course end up killing the chicks.

It's sad what we are doing to this earth and to other species.

I've also been thinking about plastic and rubbish in my own home. I of course do not throw it in the oceans, but it still freaks me out when I look at the amounts of trash that my family produces every day.

And the fact that I have to deal with the recycling every week, as it only takes a week for us to collect loads of plastic packaging, paper, bottles e.g. is scary.

They even package the organic bananas in my store. And even if the product is organic and I recycle the packaging, it sure does add to the carbon footprint.

Need to, at least, talk to my local supermarket and ask them why the need to package organic fruits and vegetable. It makes no sense.

My daughter on speed?

The other day I felt a bit naughty. So I had both coffee and a big piece of a very sweet cake.

I don't drink much coffee. And I don't eat much cake. Which is why I'm thinking that maybe it's not the best for my daughters stomach, as it's not the best for mine, as I'm not that used to it.

But, as I said, a few days ago, I had both.

I felt a bit sick afterwards. Should have had a smaller piece. But at least Noam's stomach seemed to be dealing with it without problems.

The rest of her seemed a bit affected though. The kid stayed awake all day! And then the next day again! She barely slept at all, just nodded off a few times.

So either the coffee and sugar actually did give her some sort of rush, or she has a dealer that provides her with some heavy stuff.

Or she just found her Mum so exiting that she wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

Probably, and hopefully, the last one is most close to the truth. And I don't blame her. I found myself pretty exiting too.

Had to let go

The day before yesterday I had to say goodbye to two of my dearest friends.

I realized that we had grown apart, that we just didn't fit together anymore.

They are just as wonderful as they've always been. I am the one that has changed.

We've been through a lot together. We used to be really close.

But since I got pregnant it just hasn't been the same. It's like we don't fit together anymore.

And when I was told, a few days ago, that I will never be exactly the same as before my pregnancy, I knew that I had to let go.

The exact words I was told were:

"Your hips will never be the same again. Your ass has grown and from now on you will need trousers one size bigger than before getting pregnant".

Well there was no room for one size extra in my two dearest pairs of jeans, so that's why I had to let go.

They left with my sister. I'm sure my sister will take good care of them. But what worries me is that she will never be able to love them the way I loved them.

Why are men more amazing than women doing the same task?

Last week a friend of my husband and her mother visited us. The friend said to me that she had, before arriving to our place, told her Mum about how lucky I am to have a husband like mine.

"Yes, I'm lucky", I said, but had to ask, "Why exactly?", and also couldn't keep myself from thinking, "Isn't he also lucky to have a wife like me?".

"Because he cooks and bakes for you", the friend responded, "Most men don't do that".

She meant well, I think, but the more I think about it, the more annoyed I get. No one says to a man that he is so lucky to have his wife as she cooks for him.

Again: Why are men considered being so amazing if they cook, or clean, or take a lot of interest in their children, while all these things are seen as normal and therefor expected by women.

Note: I do appreciate the fact that my husband cook lovely meals for me ever day. It's not about that. But a question worth thinking about is; does he remember to appreciate the fact that I clean, do laundry, wash up, make the bed...

Lars and the real girl

Watched a great film yesterday called "Lars and the real girl". It was both funny (laughed loud quite a few times) and beautiful. It's about a delusional guy, called Lars, that orders a so called fuck doll online. When it arrives he introduces the doll, as his girlfriend, to his family and the whole town, believing that the doll is actually a real woman. And out of care and concern for Lars the whole town goes along with his delusion.

Safari New European Pizza

Close to where I live there is a pizza place called "Safari New European Pizza". That's hilarious! Almost as funny as "God is Great Beauty Salon".

I am a liar

Being a mother seems to go hand in hand with being an involuntary liar.

As soon as I say something it only takes about 24 hours for it to no longer be true.

Yesterday I said that I'm grateful about getting enough sleep and not being tired at all. Today I'm really tired from not having slept much at all, due to my daughter having stomach ache.

The other day I said that my daughter is awake most of the days, nowadays. The next day she ended up sleeping all day.

A few days ago I said that Noam never cries. The same evening my sister was babysitting Noam while my husband and I was supposed to be watching a dance performance. I'm writing "supposed to", as I only got to see in total about ten minutes of the whole performance. This as Noam started crying from hunger as soon as the first part of the performance started, and again as soon as the second part of the performance started, and a janitor had to come and get me twice for feeding.

So, you get the drift, since I became a mother I also have become a skillful liar.

A message to my Husband and God:

Darling, are you reading my blog, or are we, due to a miracle, entering a new wonderful era in our household?

Since I wrote that thing about the washing up, things have been wonderful at home. My husband has been washing up every day, after dinner.

I'm happy to keep on doing most of the other housework if he cooks and does the dishes every day. That makes things pretty even in that area, I think.

Lord, please let this new behavior that my husband has developed, be here to stay.

My enormous carbon footprint

My carbon footprint has grown huge since Noam arrived: The amount of laundry that I do every week is just ridiculous!

Result

Following is the result and conclusion of the experiment:

At seven o'clock, when 28 hours has passed, my dear husband is forced to do some washing up, as he is cooking dinner and need some of the dirty pots and pans. (He always cook, so I should give him credit for that).

At nine o'clock I decide to start washing up, as most of the washing up now is from the dinner we just had, and therefore my experiment is a bit ruined.

Then, something chocking happens: My husband hear that I start cleaning up in the kitchen, and he says:

"Leave it, I will do it".

He then starts washing up. And even if he, for some strange reason, does not wash up all of the dishes, he has done more than enough to make up for the lunch the previous day.

And when he after that makes me a delicious dessert, I'm not complaining.

Miracles do happen.

An experiment

Executing an experiment at home at the moment. My lovely, but useless at house work, husband, had lunch with a friend yesterday.

When I got home at ten in the evening, he still hadn't done the washing up from that lunch date. And he still hasn't.

Normally, when this happens, I last till maximum the next morning, and then I freak out and do the washing up. Can't stand looking at it, as I'm a bit pedantic, I guess.

Now it's three in the afternoon and I still haven't washed up.

It's hard looking at the messy kitchen, but I'm determent to see how long it takes before my husband decides to wash up.

It has now been 24 hours...

Scary

Watched "60 minutes" the other day. It was about a German guy that had ended up at Guantanamo. Six weeks after he was captured, the CIA had written in their reports that no links were found between the German and Al Qaida. The same information was given to German officials.

Still, this poor guy, was kept at Guantanamo for three and a half more years, for no obvious reason. He claims that he, on top of that, was tortured there. The details given by him is similar to details about torture, given by many other former prisoners.

The scary thing is that this German guy, most likely, is not the only innocent person kept at Guantanmo. This is what happens when people are not given the right to a trial.

My Mum

Part of phone conversation with my Mum after phone conversation with my Dad (see below):

Me: "So I heard that Dad took lots of paternity leave when I was a baby. Were you happy about that?"

Mum: "I did not really have a choice. I couldn't really deny him the right to it, could I? But they were really happy at my job, as I got back to work just in time for everybody else to leave for their summer holidays".

My dad

Part of phone conversation with my Dad the other day:

Dad: "But you do know that I was on paternity leave the same time of length as your mum had maternity leave, when you were a baby?"

Me: "Really? That can't have been common in the 70s. How come you decided that?"

(Asked that question as I know that my dad is neither in to equality or babies).

Dad: "Well, I did not feel like working. And it was summer"

I am a fab Mom!

My husband has always been great at giving me compliments. Amongst other things he claims that I'm beautiful, intelligent, strong, interesting.

Most of the time I tell him that he is either hallucinating or lying. But yesterday, when he, who doesn't even read my blog, said:

"Write on your blog that you are a fabulous mother, because you are" I chose to believe him, because I really wanted it to be true.

I didn't even ask what his definition of a fab Mom is. I just accepted and hoped that Noam, one day, will tell me the same thing.

Makes me furious

The Swedish newspaper DN is writing about big European fishing boats emptying the West African waters. Another example on how the West is swollowing the Earth's resources, while poorer countries are more or less forced to obey.

Makes me furious.

Where is daddy?

Still on the subject "equality within family".

In a posting yesterday I wrote that from a selfish point of view I was happy that my husband is not "taking his 50 %" when it comes to Noam.

I'm sure I wouldn't even be able to write a sentence like that if I was in a situation where my husband took no part at all in the parenthood.

Sadly there are many fathers that are, more or less, totally absent.

A friend of mine, F, has been spending several nights at her friend's place to help out with her newborn twins. Where was the dad then? He was there, but sleeping.

Another friend, A, had to bring some food over to her friend yesterday, as both the friend and her baby was very ill. Where was the dad? He had to go to the gym and then to the pub with some friends.

Amazing... Why do some people have kids at all?

A continuation on the previous post - sort of

As I've written before, I do not really fit in my old clothes. The ones I had before pregnancy are too small. And my pregnancy clothing is too big.

Therefore, at the moment, I'm trying to get around with the few things that do fit, until I know what my knew size is going to be. Those few things that do fit are skirts.

That lead to another problem. Considering I had not waxed my legs in about two months they started itching when wearing tights. And as it is not summer, tights is a necessity when wearing skirt.

So I needed to wax, which I did two days ago.

The point that I want to get to here is that I felt like people were judging me for waxing my legs and be thinking that I should be caring solely for my daughter and not care about hairy legs,

Probably no one was judging me. But the point is that I am just as shaped by the structures and norms as anyone else, which made me feel a bit guilty when I was lying there in the beauty salon, while my husband was walking around the block with Noam.

And probably many people would raise their eyebrows, After all, my sister told me today that some people were judging a woman for asking for a hair brush after giving birth. Compared to that I guess my wax is a huge sin.

It is truly amazing how easily mothers are judged, and how easily fathers get away with most things.

My husband is out partying tonight. No one questions that. I wonder if it would be the same is I wanted to go out partying five weeks after my daughters birth.

I doubt it.

The different roles of the mother and the father

Thinking a lot about the role that society has created for the mother. And the role created for the father.

I love spending time with my daughter. From a selfish point of view I'm almost glad that my husband does not take as much responsibility as I do.

From an intellectual point of view I feel different though. When I think about how much greater society would be (in so many different ways) if we had reached the point were there was equality when it comes to parenthood, I feel different.

The first week or two I was very amazed by biology and how this whole thing of birth and babies work. But I am not a biologist. And now, a few weeks later, I'm starting to see the structures, the social instead of the biological, also in my own situation as a parent.

I decided to talk to my husband about it. This especially after I had read different studies about how feeding is just one of so many different needs that the baby has, just one of so may different things that the baby needs from it's parents.

My husband could be the one doing housework. He could change diapers. He could be carrying Noam a lot more. He could be lifting her up to help her burp if she seems uncomfortable. He could be taking her for a walk in the pram. He could be singing to her. He could be talking to her. And he does all those things. But I do them a lot more.

When I told him this, he still got stuck on the feeding part. And then he starting rabbling on about the fact that it's not really in his nature to sit and talk to a baby, that it's more his thing to play with her.

Funny. Like if it would be my thing. The difference is that I make it my thing, because I know that my daughter needs it.

It all has to do with the fact that a woman is supposed to be the caring and the soft one. A man on the other hand is supposed to be the funny one, the cool one.

And it all has to do with that motherhood is supposed to be this thing that you go in to and totally sacrifice yourself, and no longer care about anything else than the child. There is nothing like that when it comes to the way people look at fatherhood.

A mother caring for her child is average. A father caring is wonderful.

This all has to do with the patriarchal society that we live in. It's all one part of the big puzzle, and that is the reason why change would benefit women.

But change would also be good for men. Not only because of the fact that an equal society is a better society for all parties, but also because men are actually losing out.

It amazes me that men can't see that. That they do not understand that by not fully taking part, they are missing out on something so wonderful that it can't be described with words.

My daughter the goldfish

They say that goldfishes have no memory. That they can't remember what happened just a second ago. They also say that goldfishes can eat themselves to death as they can't feel that they are full.

My daughter definitely share some characteristics with goldfishes. She eats and five minutes later she wants to eat again. And then again, and then again. It's like if she can't feel that she's full and doesn't remember that she just ate.

And when I think about it, her mouth looks a bit like the mouth on a fish also.

I do not have a Bugaboo

Spend most of the day in the centre of town yesterday. A few things hit me.

1. There are prams everywhere!

2. Everybody has the same brand of pram!

Fascinated by the fact that every second person with a pram, that I met, had this brand of pram in particular, I went online when I got home, to find out what so special about this pram. The brand is called Bugaboo.

Couldn't really figure it out, more than the fact that it was 5000 SEK more expensive than my second hand pram of a brand that not many people have heard of.

Does me, not having a Bugaboo, make me a worse mum than the ones that has got one? I seriously doubt it.

If people buy this Bugaboo pram because it, even though it is much more expensive than my pram, is a good pram that is cheaper than many other prams, than fine. But I am suspecting that that is not the reason.

The main reason is probably trends and commercialism, as I am sure you agree.

Sad.