Being pregnant

I've never been pregnant before.
Even though I've thought about it many times, I really didn't have a clue what it was going to be like.
Now I'm starting to slowly get a clue.

First three months it was all about feeling sick. All I did was eat, nibble and eat again, just to prevent the feeling of sickness. Coffee made my stomach turn. The deodorant gave me a head ache. I used to love indian food - and now I couldn't stand the smell of it.

Beginning of forth month was nice. I was so happy that I no longer felt sick. This was up until my ass started hurting from Diastasis Symphysis Pubis. And it's not only the ass that starts behaving strangely, so does the knees, the most of the legs as a matter of fact. It's all down to some hormones that makes the skeleton softer. It's supposed to be like that, but it's still very annoying, and it really hurts when doing certain exercises.

Now, when I head in to the fifth month, it's all about eating again. This time it's not to prevent sickness, it's basically from constant hunger. According to certain websites this is when the baby starts putting fat on, and that is the reason for the sudden hunger. I'm telling you, eating is a full time job at this time. And I guess it will get worse.

This is exactly where I am now. And about five months away from delivery date. I have no clue what the five coming months are going to be like, and I definitely don't have a clue about how it's going to be to be a mother. Or what I'm going to be like as a mother.

But I do know this: Even though I no longer recognize my own body, I feel fat, I can't always control my temper, my feelings or my physical body anymore. And even though being a mother will mean putting someone else first, all the time, I am so happy about this little thing that is growing inside of me.

We did a scan in week 15. My sister said he/she looked like a cheese doodle. One friend thought it rather looked like a rabbit. Another one said he/she looked like an alien. And my husband says that he/she looks like a monkey. What ever he/she looks like right now, I think it's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen.

It truly is a miracle!

Did I create a monster or am I the monster?

A colleague of mine told me, a few weeks ago, about emu oil. She said that lotion containing emu oil is great for people with really dry skin. I got excited, as my husband suffers from dry skin. I ordered the lotion online and when it arrived I gave it to my husband and told him all about its supposed good effects.

He gladly took it, but looked a bit surprised, and said: "Emu oil, doesn't that come from the emu?".

"Of course not!", I said, very sure that there was no chance someone would put oil from an animal in a lotion, and that my colleague would never have recommended something like that to me, as I am a vegetarian. I know, I was a bit naive on both accounts.

It did not take long though, before I started doubting what I had just said, and I searched the net for answers. Of course I found that the oil does come from the emu. The animal is not killed solely for the oil, but that is not much of a comfort for a vegetarian.

The problem is that my husband loves the lotion and has told me straight out that he will keep on using the lotion.

So I am stuck between the happiness of having found a great lotion for my husband, and the sadness of that great lotion containing animal fat. Makes me feel like a hypocrite. But on the other hand, it is not the first time. Every time I wear my leather shoes or my leather hand bag I feel the same.

Actually I very often feel like one, a hypocrite that is. I take a stand by doing or not doing certain things. And just a few minutes later I make an exception on something similar.

Does that make me weak? Or am I just doing my best, and should accept that no one is perfect? Or am I too selfish to sacrifice things that I like and that's why I only sacrifice things that really does not matter to me anyway? Maybe I only do so called good when it suits me?

The Police

The otheer day I went to Globen to see THE POLICE in concert. As we had booked tickets pretty late, and on top of that we were four people that wanted to sit together, we naturally ended up in the so called nose bleed section.

First I was a bit dissapointed, thought that the experience would be totally ruined by having those crappy seats.

Also, I've always thought of Sting as a great artist, but never knew many songs by The Police, so I was a bit afraid that I would not be able to get the right feeling.

But both things mentioned above never became a problem. The concert was great. It did not matter at all that I only knew a few songs. And I totally forgot about the location of our seats. That must mean that the concert was amazing, even if certain critics said otherwise (as always).

The only thing that bothered me was something I read in the newspaper the other day: How can someone like Sting, that seems so great have fired his chef at home for being pregnant? How can he be so aware of environment and human rights and not have any sence of the mistake in discriminating a woman because of her pregnancy? I mean, it's not like he could not afford paying for her one year of maternity leave, or whatever she would have asked for.

Gladly she (the chef) won in court. Sadly Sting lost a few points in my book. But deep inside I'm still hoping that he really is that lovely guy that he seems to be and that it all was just a big, big misunderstanding.