My husband has always been great at giving me compliments. Amongst other things he claims that I'm beautiful, intelligent, strong, interesting.
Most of the time I tell him that he is either hallucinating or lying. But yesterday, when he, who doesn't even read my blog, said:
"Write on your blog that you are a fabulous mother, because you are" I chose to believe him, because I really wanted it to be true.
I didn't even ask what his definition of a fab Mom is. I just accepted and hoped that Noam, one day, will tell me the same thing.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Makes me furious
The Swedish newspaper DN is writing about big European fishing boats emptying the West African waters. Another example on how the West is swollowing the Earth's resources, while poorer countries are more or less forced to obey.
Makes me furious.
Makes me furious.
Where is daddy?
Still on the subject "equality within family".
In a posting yesterday I wrote that from a selfish point of view I was happy that my husband is not "taking his 50 %" when it comes to Noam.
I'm sure I wouldn't even be able to write a sentence like that if I was in a situation where my husband took no part at all in the parenthood.
Sadly there are many fathers that are, more or less, totally absent.
A friend of mine, F, has been spending several nights at her friend's place to help out with her newborn twins. Where was the dad then? He was there, but sleeping.
Another friend, A, had to bring some food over to her friend yesterday, as both the friend and her baby was very ill. Where was the dad? He had to go to the gym and then to the pub with some friends.
Amazing... Why do some people have kids at all?
In a posting yesterday I wrote that from a selfish point of view I was happy that my husband is not "taking his 50 %" when it comes to Noam.
I'm sure I wouldn't even be able to write a sentence like that if I was in a situation where my husband took no part at all in the parenthood.
Sadly there are many fathers that are, more or less, totally absent.
A friend of mine, F, has been spending several nights at her friend's place to help out with her newborn twins. Where was the dad then? He was there, but sleeping.
Another friend, A, had to bring some food over to her friend yesterday, as both the friend and her baby was very ill. Where was the dad? He had to go to the gym and then to the pub with some friends.
Amazing... Why do some people have kids at all?
Saturday, April 5, 2008
A continuation on the previous post - sort of
As I've written before, I do not really fit in my old clothes. The ones I had before pregnancy are too small. And my pregnancy clothing is too big.
Therefore, at the moment, I'm trying to get around with the few things that do fit, until I know what my knew size is going to be. Those few things that do fit are skirts.
That lead to another problem. Considering I had not waxed my legs in about two months they started itching when wearing tights. And as it is not summer, tights is a necessity when wearing skirt.
So I needed to wax, which I did two days ago.
The point that I want to get to here is that I felt like people were judging me for waxing my legs and be thinking that I should be caring solely for my daughter and not care about hairy legs,
Probably no one was judging me. But the point is that I am just as shaped by the structures and norms as anyone else, which made me feel a bit guilty when I was lying there in the beauty salon, while my husband was walking around the block with Noam.
And probably many people would raise their eyebrows, After all, my sister told me today that some people were judging a woman for asking for a hair brush after giving birth. Compared to that I guess my wax is a huge sin.
It is truly amazing how easily mothers are judged, and how easily fathers get away with most things.
My husband is out partying tonight. No one questions that. I wonder if it would be the same is I wanted to go out partying five weeks after my daughters birth.
I doubt it.
Therefore, at the moment, I'm trying to get around with the few things that do fit, until I know what my knew size is going to be. Those few things that do fit are skirts.
That lead to another problem. Considering I had not waxed my legs in about two months they started itching when wearing tights. And as it is not summer, tights is a necessity when wearing skirt.
So I needed to wax, which I did two days ago.
The point that I want to get to here is that I felt like people were judging me for waxing my legs and be thinking that I should be caring solely for my daughter and not care about hairy legs,
Probably no one was judging me. But the point is that I am just as shaped by the structures and norms as anyone else, which made me feel a bit guilty when I was lying there in the beauty salon, while my husband was walking around the block with Noam.
And probably many people would raise their eyebrows, After all, my sister told me today that some people were judging a woman for asking for a hair brush after giving birth. Compared to that I guess my wax is a huge sin.
It is truly amazing how easily mothers are judged, and how easily fathers get away with most things.
My husband is out partying tonight. No one questions that. I wonder if it would be the same is I wanted to go out partying five weeks after my daughters birth.
I doubt it.
The different roles of the mother and the father
Thinking a lot about the role that society has created for the mother. And the role created for the father.
I love spending time with my daughter. From a selfish point of view I'm almost glad that my husband does not take as much responsibility as I do.
From an intellectual point of view I feel different though. When I think about how much greater society would be (in so many different ways) if we had reached the point were there was equality when it comes to parenthood, I feel different.
The first week or two I was very amazed by biology and how this whole thing of birth and babies work. But I am not a biologist. And now, a few weeks later, I'm starting to see the structures, the social instead of the biological, also in my own situation as a parent.
I decided to talk to my husband about it. This especially after I had read different studies about how feeding is just one of so many different needs that the baby has, just one of so may different things that the baby needs from it's parents.
My husband could be the one doing housework. He could change diapers. He could be carrying Noam a lot more. He could be lifting her up to help her burp if she seems uncomfortable. He could be taking her for a walk in the pram. He could be singing to her. He could be talking to her. And he does all those things. But I do them a lot more.
When I told him this, he still got stuck on the feeding part. And then he starting rabbling on about the fact that it's not really in his nature to sit and talk to a baby, that it's more his thing to play with her.
Funny. Like if it would be my thing. The difference is that I make it my thing, because I know that my daughter needs it.
It all has to do with the fact that a woman is supposed to be the caring and the soft one. A man on the other hand is supposed to be the funny one, the cool one.
And it all has to do with that motherhood is supposed to be this thing that you go in to and totally sacrifice yourself, and no longer care about anything else than the child. There is nothing like that when it comes to the way people look at fatherhood.
A mother caring for her child is average. A father caring is wonderful.
This all has to do with the patriarchal society that we live in. It's all one part of the big puzzle, and that is the reason why change would benefit women.
But change would also be good for men. Not only because of the fact that an equal society is a better society for all parties, but also because men are actually losing out.
It amazes me that men can't see that. That they do not understand that by not fully taking part, they are missing out on something so wonderful that it can't be described with words.
I love spending time with my daughter. From a selfish point of view I'm almost glad that my husband does not take as much responsibility as I do.
From an intellectual point of view I feel different though. When I think about how much greater society would be (in so many different ways) if we had reached the point were there was equality when it comes to parenthood, I feel different.
The first week or two I was very amazed by biology and how this whole thing of birth and babies work. But I am not a biologist. And now, a few weeks later, I'm starting to see the structures, the social instead of the biological, also in my own situation as a parent.
I decided to talk to my husband about it. This especially after I had read different studies about how feeding is just one of so many different needs that the baby has, just one of so may different things that the baby needs from it's parents.
My husband could be the one doing housework. He could change diapers. He could be carrying Noam a lot more. He could be lifting her up to help her burp if she seems uncomfortable. He could be taking her for a walk in the pram. He could be singing to her. He could be talking to her. And he does all those things. But I do them a lot more.
When I told him this, he still got stuck on the feeding part. And then he starting rabbling on about the fact that it's not really in his nature to sit and talk to a baby, that it's more his thing to play with her.
Funny. Like if it would be my thing. The difference is that I make it my thing, because I know that my daughter needs it.
It all has to do with the fact that a woman is supposed to be the caring and the soft one. A man on the other hand is supposed to be the funny one, the cool one.
And it all has to do with that motherhood is supposed to be this thing that you go in to and totally sacrifice yourself, and no longer care about anything else than the child. There is nothing like that when it comes to the way people look at fatherhood.
A mother caring for her child is average. A father caring is wonderful.
This all has to do with the patriarchal society that we live in. It's all one part of the big puzzle, and that is the reason why change would benefit women.
But change would also be good for men. Not only because of the fact that an equal society is a better society for all parties, but also because men are actually losing out.
It amazes me that men can't see that. That they do not understand that by not fully taking part, they are missing out on something so wonderful that it can't be described with words.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
My daughter the goldfish
They say that goldfishes have no memory. That they can't remember what happened just a second ago. They also say that goldfishes can eat themselves to death as they can't feel that they are full.
My daughter definitely share some characteristics with goldfishes. She eats and five minutes later she wants to eat again. And then again, and then again. It's like if she can't feel that she's full and doesn't remember that she just ate.
And when I think about it, her mouth looks a bit like the mouth on a fish also.
My daughter definitely share some characteristics with goldfishes. She eats and five minutes later she wants to eat again. And then again, and then again. It's like if she can't feel that she's full and doesn't remember that she just ate.
And when I think about it, her mouth looks a bit like the mouth on a fish also.
I do not have a Bugaboo
Spend most of the day in the centre of town yesterday. A few things hit me.
1. There are prams everywhere!
2. Everybody has the same brand of pram!
Fascinated by the fact that every second person with a pram, that I met, had this brand of pram in particular, I went online when I got home, to find out what so special about this pram. The brand is called Bugaboo.
Couldn't really figure it out, more than the fact that it was 5000 SEK more expensive than my second hand pram of a brand that not many people have heard of.
Does me, not having a Bugaboo, make me a worse mum than the ones that has got one? I seriously doubt it.
If people buy this Bugaboo pram because it, even though it is much more expensive than my pram, is a good pram that is cheaper than many other prams, than fine. But I am suspecting that that is not the reason.
The main reason is probably trends and commercialism, as I am sure you agree.
Sad.
1. There are prams everywhere!
2. Everybody has the same brand of pram!
Fascinated by the fact that every second person with a pram, that I met, had this brand of pram in particular, I went online when I got home, to find out what so special about this pram. The brand is called Bugaboo.
Couldn't really figure it out, more than the fact that it was 5000 SEK more expensive than my second hand pram of a brand that not many people have heard of.
Does me, not having a Bugaboo, make me a worse mum than the ones that has got one? I seriously doubt it.
If people buy this Bugaboo pram because it, even though it is much more expensive than my pram, is a good pram that is cheaper than many other prams, than fine. But I am suspecting that that is not the reason.
The main reason is probably trends and commercialism, as I am sure you agree.
Sad.
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